Little Voice
by MollySparrow
Summary: That voice that acts as our impulses, our basic instincts, some would call it our heart's desire. A series of vignettes from Elizabeths POV over all three movies, plenty of implied JE for all! Sorry I'm rubbish at summaries!
1. Devils and Black Sheep

**Prologue**

Elizabeth Swann was, to all who met her before she became involved with a certain pirate, the definition of propriety; a well-spoken, well-mannered governor's daughter who had never had a bad thought in all her life. At least thats who she appeared to be!

In reality, Elizabeth's mind was anything but proper as the little voice constantly present inside her head always seemed to remind her. It is that voice that acts as our impulses, our basic instincts, some would call it our heart's desire. And it was this voice that made her run to the edge of Port Royal from her governess when she was twelve, shouting curses she had overheard from sialors over her shoulder, the same one that caused her to spend many of the summer nights in her sixteenth year creeping out of her home for some very un-ladylike skinny dipping in a salt water lake on the otherside of town. This voice was the one that would constantly echo back to her during her three years she spent at sea; as a fiancee, a Captain, a King and above all, as a pirate.

_"freedom lizzie"_ it would call out to her. _"freedom."_

She couldn't breathe. Her corset was so tight she could feel it crushing her ribs, squeezing all the air out. Then, black.

Elizabeth did not know how long she had been unconscious, all she knew was that the thing that choked the life out of her had been removed and she could breathe again. Or rather she took one gasp and promptly choked as sea water filled her lungs.  
"Clearly you've never been to Singapore."  
She heard the voice of her rescuer, an accent she could not place but obviously a man who did not stumble over words. And so she turned to face him, eyes widening as she saw the beads and trinkets adorning his hair, the red banadana, the kohl rimmed eyes. Jack Sparrow. He said something about the medallion around her neck but she was not listening. A pirate. Hard-drinking, hard-fighting, a serial woamniser his legend preceded him. Elizabeth had seen his name and face in several books she had read about piray in the Caribbean yet never dreamt of meeting him. Never wanted to either, after all why would a govrnrs daughter want to meet a pirate?

_"not just a pirate, lizzie, your rescuer."_ The little voice reminded her. 

**   
**

"Pirate or not, this man saved my life."  
What was she doing? James was right, he deserves to hang for his past crimes, even if not for this one.  
He is a pirate after all.  
_saviour.  
_Scoundrel.  
_hero._

Before Elizabeth could debate the issue further she felt cold metal around her neck, the infamous Captain pulling her backwards, towards him. With a pistol pressed against her forehead she did as he instructed, putting his hat and belt back on while giving him a glare that could kill. But he only stared striaght back with his dark, unfathomable eyes, refusing to even blink it seemed, an action which only infuriated Elizabeth.

_"entranced."_ The voice corrected.

He had pulled her closer still, his arms around her, the closest she had ever been to a man who wasn't her father and it was this abomination that was touching her. And his smell; he stank of rum and the sea and years of managing a ship through strength alone.  
She despised him, how dare he threaten her and then suggest that they were even.She had been shaking the whole time, she had been that scared.

_no lizzie, it wasn't fear you were shaking with was it? it was excitement_. 

"To Freedom!"  
"To the Black Pearl..."

Elizabeth watched as Jack drank greedily from his bottle of rum, every gulp bringing him closer to the sand. Rolling her eyes she took a swig from her own bottle, removing the unconcious pirate's hand from her hair. Although she had been careful to drink very little, pouring most of it on the fire, Elizabeth suddenly becmae very aware of just how drunk she was. Dutch courage she assured herself, of course she had not enjoyed dancing around the fire with him, singing with him, drinking with him.

_liar._

And now he was out cold, just as she had planned.  
"Sorry Jack" Elizabeth said, looking over her shoulder at the Captain as she took the bottle from his hand. He really did look a mess she concluded, with his bandana was wonky, his kohl smudged and his shirt hanging off him, showing his chest and accompanying scars. His tanned, strong chest... Elizabeth shook her head to clear her rum-soaked thoughts of Jack from her mind and unsteadily started to walk back towards the rum cache.  
She only hated pirates.  
But she abhored Jack Sparrow.

_adored. adore lizzie._


	2. Really Bad Eggs

And there they were again.

All Elizabeth had done was ask him to help her find Will yet the infuriating Captain was twisting what she was thinking, making what she wanted unimportant and what she knew nothing of almost her heart's desire.

"Are you certain? Is that what you really want most?"

"Of course!" Elizabeth answered quickly, almost too quickly. Only because she wanted to find out how to get Will back, there was no way that she wanted the filthy man before her. And he stank.

_what of? rum, the sea, adventure, freedom? and you don't want that?_

He gave her his compass, explaining how it worked as Elizabeth kept her eyes on him. She watched his eyes as they darted from one point to the next as though standing still, stopping in one place was torture to him. She watched his lips as they told her of what she was now so sure she wanted; lips that didn't stumble over words but let them flow free. She watched him so she could be certain he wasn't lying to her, wasn't conning her into something she wanted nothing to do with,

"It points to the thing you want most in this world."

"_oh jack…"_

One little slip and that voice was racing ahead of her.

_his eyes, his lips, his chest, jack sparrow. pirate._

It was a good thing she was disgusted by him then.

_attracted to him._

"Like I said, persuade me."

Elizabeth stared at Jack and he just stared right back. He was singly the most infuriating man she had ever met, counteracting her every move as if it gave him some perverted joy from seeing her cope with his double and triple crosses. She felt all her emotions bubbling under her skin, needing to be worked out.

Oh how she wanted to hit something

_touch someone._

Elizabeth couldn't quite put a name on the knot of feelings she had rolling around inside her. Anger she supposed.

_or lust._

Curiosity, goodness, what you really want.

Elizabeth threw words as Jack and he tossed them back just as quick. But she knew she was walking a blurry line as after every conversation she ended by walking away from him, the voice at the back of her mind kept encouraging her to stay, to brush his arm with her own, to stand that little bit too close to him. It was this voice that seemed to be winning.

And there it was again, urging her forward. She saw it as a way to wind him up, but the voice had different ideas.

"You'll have the chance to do something, something courageous. And when you do you'll discover something. That you're a good man."

"All evidence to the contrary."

"Oh I have faith in you. Want to know why?"

"Do tell dearie."

"_curiosity. you're going to want it. a chance to be admired and gain the rewards that follow." _

_seefreedom._

_smellfreedom._

_tastefreedom._

"_you wont be able to resist. you're going to want to know what it tastes like…"_

Stop it! Elizabeth told herself, you're in too far, think of –

_kissing him._

"Land ho!"

Will.

Elizabeth knew what she was doing. She would chain him to the mast to ensure the safety of the crew, of Will. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt when she saw the sadness in his eyes, the loss of any hope, the loss of his beloved ship.

So she kissed him.

Elizabeth had never really planned that but she felt she had to. It was the right thing. But even though she tried to stay focussed that little voice fluttered against her heart, urging her to stay, making her fumble with the shackles and linger at his lips. At Jack Sparrow's lips.

_admit it. you don't want to leave him. you want to stay here with him, just him and you forever. you're free with him you know it and you've felt it, what it's like to free, what it's like to kiss freedom, the salt and the power and the selfish impulses and the fact that within all that there is someone who ca– _

She pushed away all thoughts of him then as she said three little words before leaving Captain Jack Sparrow to his grim fate.

Three little words whispered from her lips.

I'm not sorry.

Three little words screamed through her eyes.

_i love you._


	3. Drink Up Me Hearties

Elizabeth turned as she heard the familiar sound of sails flapping in the wind. But it couldn't be what she hoped with all her heart, could it? The only ship in Davy Jones' locker was currently lying along the shore, broken beyond any use. Yet just as this thought formed Elizabeth saw the patched sails and the blackened figurehead peak over the dune, pulling the _Pearl _into the waters at the edge of the beach. And with them they brought the man they had come all this way for.

He was back.

And she was free.

Elizabeth could be free of her guilt now, she had rescued him and now they were even. Yet she kept her eyes trained on him… To check he was still there, that he wasn't a mirage she warned herself. You don't have to feel anything for him now.

_too late._

_keep your eyes on him, your heart with him._

Before she could get a hold of herself, shake the voice from her, he had stepped onto the beach and was striding towards him, towards her. And that tiny whiser became a thousand shouting voices surging through her blood, through every party, urging her forwards

_run to him, hold him, kiss him, be with him._

So she moved, A few faltering strides, almost running, her mouth spread into a smile she never knew she could give before that voice, running ahead of her as always, caught her short and made her stop dead

_run to him. _It called_ hold him, kiss him, be with him, let your arms tell him how much you missed him, let your mouth tell him how sorry you are, sorry from tricking him, sorry for killing him, sorry for – _

I killed him.

I killed Jack Sparrow.

Looking straight into his eyes she sane how world-weary he was, how lost in everything he seemed to be and he seemed… emptier than before,

A new wave of guilt and self-loathing washed over Elizabeth. But why should she still hurt so much for a man she cared nothing for?

Her little voice was unusually silent.

**WILL! WILL!**

Elizabeth was screaming so loud she thought her head would explode, yet she made no sound. She couldn't make any sound. Whatever made her shout; made her laugh, sing or even smile had been ripped from her, it was as though she had lost part of her own being. Elizabeth felt empty, felt nothing, not her heart as it broke around her, not her own body.

In some deep recess of her mind she new she was floating, knew that Jack was carrying her but she didn't care. She had lost everyone she had ever loved, James, Will and even her own father. What was the point?

She gave up.

She let go of Jack.

Yet she didn't plummet into the surging, angry sea like she thought she had wanted to. Instead the arms around her tightened slighty, refusing to drop her, pulling her in closer. The smell of Jack seeming to almost strengthen her as he whispered to her, in a voice so soft she could hardly believe it was his

"Don't let go."

_i wont_

And for once she did what that little voice told her to do.

_hang on to him. don't let him go._

And so the time came for the difficult goodbyes. She didn't know how to say it, but Elizabeth tried her hardest to bid farewell to the pirates, the good men who had saved her life time and again. Although she expected to hear about them or even see them again, it would and could never be the same.

Nothing was as hard though as saying goodbye to Jack.

She couldn't understand why

_you know why_

but it hurt alot to leave him. This was one pirate Elizabeth doubted she would ever see again, he was heading for things more exciting than visiting a lone woman on a forgotten shore. So she went to say goodbye; to kiss him farewell, but stopped short again, not because of Jack's words or because she thought it was wrong but because of, surprisingly, what that little voice shouted at her, mixed with what she saw deep in those chocolate eyes of him.

_don't._

_let it be._

_let him be._

_don't fall in love with two men._

_not now._

Almost nine months on and Elizabeth Turner slipped into bed in the cottage she has bought by the sea. As she fell into sleep she could feel the light touch of a phantom arm over her bulging stomach, for although he was not there Elizabeth knew Will was watching over her, protecting her and their child. I t was this arm that reminded her of this, stopping those dreams of death that had haunted her at first. Then, almost as soon as she had fallen asleep she was awake again with a gasp, her hand grasping her swollen stomach as a pain shot through her like nothing she had ever felt before. This was it.

Five hours later and Elizabeth lay in the doctor's home, her newborn son in the cot beside her, asleep and perfect. His mother, however, was not so. Elizabeth was gripped in the midst of a fever so intense that the doctor gravely told the midwife they may have to find a new home for the child in the morning. Unconscious, she tossed and turned through the night, sweat pasting her hair to her pallid face. Her shallow breaths could barely be heard in the room. Yet again she felt, as the back of her mind, that phantom arm wrap around her, comfort her, help her. In a less lucid state she would call it Will's but right now her little train of wanderings had become her whole mind, for she knew this arm was different.

_She couldn't breathe. Her corset was so tight she could feel it crushing her ribs, squeezing all the air out. Then, black. Elizabeth did not know how long she had been out, all she knew was that the thing that choked the life out of her had been removed and she could breathe again._

Elizabeth's eyelids fluttered, her body stilling.

_She heard the voice of her rescuer, an accent she could not place but obviously a man who did not stumble over words. And so she turned to face him, eyes widening as she saw her – _

"son. Mrs Turner? I said you have a son."

The doctor handed the child over to Elizabeth and she smiled, weakly but with a joy she had never felt before. Was lucky to feel. Whatever, whoever had pulled her out of the fever had saved her life and allowed her son to have a mother. That strong, tanned arm had pulled her back, not letting go for a second and she had seen who it belonged to, seen the bird in the sunset.

So she loved him.

She loved him then so completely that she thought her heart would break. This love was no fleeting though or little voice but an all-consuming adoration for the man that saved her life, that had been saving her life forever.

"What will you call him?"

_jac-_

"Jack."

She didn't need the voice to speak for her now. Elizabeth knew who she loved, why she loved them and now, finally, her mind was at rest.

Elizabeth Turner, woman, loved Will Turner more than he could ever know, for he owned her heart as she owned his. He protected her from demons, protected her when she carried their child and for this she would be with him until the end of her days.

_lizzie swann, pirate, loved jack sparrow more than he would ever know, for he owned nothing of her and she nothing of him. he saved her when she gave birth to her child, saved her from herself and for this she would be free for him until the end of her days._


End file.
